A jumper cable walks into a bar...
The bartender says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything”.
Super cute <3
"The Weight" -Weezer →
How does Lady Gaga like her steak?– Raw raw rawrawraw. Hahahahahahahahahaha
You bought lactose fruit juice?– I didn’t. I did buy lots of lactose-free cheese for the wine-and-cheese party tonight though.
I just realised today that shit is hot.– My friend said this to me today. He totally meant to say “she’s hot”
I had a joke in highschool that I was going to design a satellite with all my fabulous engineering talent and name it “The Shatellite” after Bill Shatner.
GQ Interviews Captain Kirk →
Friday night win. All over the place.
Some men may follow me, but you chose any girl but me. Why’re you so...
Mama Bear lent me her Christian Louboutin black patent heels for the formal.